Porcao Rio’s @ Rio de Janeiro, Brazil ****

All-You-Can-Eat Meat Extravaganza

After a string of disappointing experiences thus far in Rio, the meal at this legendary churrascaria (Brazilian barbeque) was like manna from heaven for this expectant foodie. Although Porcao is actually a well-known chain with restaurants all over Brazil, everyone I had spoken to asserted that a “real” Porcao experience could best be had at the “Rio’s” location near Parque do Flamengo. As our car turned off the main highway into a lush gated compound overlooking the bay, my wheels began to turn. After ascending a double-wide staircase leading to a buffet hall whose proportions can only be described as Vegas-esque, my impression was clear. Here was not a mere barbeque joint, but rather a grand temple to the divine art of barbeque.

Langoustines that might as well have been called lobsters did not tempt me. Mounds of antipasti got barely a glance. Even sumptuous side dishes like fried banana did not sway my resolve. I had come to this restaurant for one reason and one reason only. To be carniverous. Ignoring the disapproving looks of my pescatarian companions, I beckoned eagerly to each passadore (meat waiter). Many modern churrascarias offer rodizio service, which entails the most visceral tableside carvery by roving waiters who bear wicked-looking knives and enormous skewers of various kinds of meat. Needless to say, Porcao was no exception. 

To the amazement (and horror?) of my more moderate friends, my signal card remained firmly at green, enabling an ever more decadent succession of meats to make their way onto my plate. There was sausage of three different sorts, there was melt-in-your-mouth pork ribs with sweet, tangy barbeque sauce, and best of all there was beef. Every which way there was beef! Brisket, ribeye, roast beef coasted with melted cheese, beef friend with onions; all made their way from overflowing plate to happy belly. Having fasted all day in anticipation of this glorious event, I even had room for seconds. The salty crunch of a slightly burnt sirloin was explanation enough for why some people like to order things “well done.” The pliant and juicy flesh of a rare rib-eye made me lament all those times I had carefully cut the fat off as a child. In two short hours I was reminded of all the reasons why I could never give up my omniverous lifestyle; eating meat is just so darn pleasurable. Think about it- when did you last hear a pescatarian openly moaning in ectasy at the dinner table?  

Although New York has many alternative meat-worshipping meccas and while I would of course recommend making a trip to try the real thing, I am delighted to report that Manhattan has been blessed with its own Porcao.  Caution, overhearing certain sounds may be unavoidable.

Details: Av. Infante Dom Henrique, s/ nº Parque do Flamengo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil